...three, three, three for my heartache and four, four, four for my headache...

man i do love the v1olent femmes.

feeling ok today - am sitting in the library watching my paper not get written. yet somehow twenty pages needs to appear by tomorrow. it'll be interesting to see how i pull this one off. i can hardly wait myself.

i leave on tuesday for t-giving break. lots of friends waiting, wanting to go out, wanting to drink. i think it will be my first test. the good part is that i will be at my parents and therefore won't be drinking there. the trouble usually begins when i'm home alone drinking. there isn't any alcohol at my parents, nor will i bring any into their house. not that they'd really mind (at least not too much) but out respect for them i won't. my mom went through rehab when i was little and hasn't drank since, and my dad in solidarity hasn't drank anything since either.

it's so goddamn ironic how since about the age of 12 i got a monthly lecture about how alcoholism runs in my family, particularly in its women, and how i needed to be careful. yet here i am anyway. they should've just saved their breath. i suppose i should be proud that i managed to become a fall down drunk so early in life - everyone else was older when it became a problem. go me.

i'm giving myself til the end of the year to beat this on my own. my pride demands it. or at least what's left of my pride. but if i haven't beat it by then - i'm going outside myself - whether it's aa or whatever. you heard it here first.

on the good news front - have lost another 2 pounds. it's coming off a lot easier than it ever has - but is likely due to extreme dehydration.

one night down. a bezillion to go.

starving + bleeding