oh fuck me i am in a bad mood. really bad. couldn't tell you why. well actually i can think of a few reasons. i didn't get the TA position i applied for. there were four positions. five people applied. do the math. i fucking suck. my row is assigned to be called on during a make up class on friday. the other two people in my row have already informed me that they are not coming to class. so that leaves me to cover the entire reading and be grilled by the professor the entire class. i could not show up too but i would feel too guilty about the prof coming to class and the entirety of the scheduled row not being there. what would that say about us? my closest friend here told me she really wanted to go to the movies last night and so called this crummy guy she's seeing and they went to see the movie that she and i had planned on seeing together, the one i had told her over and over i really wanted to see. she's like "you don't mind, do you?" she's one of those girls that it doesn't matter if i've known her two years and she's known this guy five minutes, if given a choice she would rather hang out with the guy. that really fucking bothers me. this coffeeshop is freezing. i'm at 850 cals for the day, which is way over my limit. i want to binge SO FUCKING BAD. but i'm not letting myself, cause as pissed as i am now binging will only piss me off more. i want to get wasted SO FUCKING BAD but i won't let myself have any more calories today. my date tomorrow is over dinner so i'm going to have to at least appear like i'm eating normally. ditto for the banquet fri night. it's humid so my hair is completely frizzing out. i have no money. my cd's didn't arrive today and they were supposed to arrive two days ago. me and some friends are going to the beach after finals and i have to not look like a goddamn freak in a bikini. the wrong girl won america's next top model last night. and last but not least I AM SO FUCKING FAT.

that's why i'm in a fucking bad mood.

starving + bleeding