mmmm....mondays. they generally suck but today it is just so beautiful outside right now and i would give anything to be able to go out to the park and just lie on a bench and breathe. but right now it's the library for me. then class. then meetings. then the day will be over. same deal tomorrow.

after not hearing from him since tuesday the stupid boy called last night. he wanted to know if i was going to be a tuesday's meeting cause he had burned the cd that i had asked for and he didn't want to carry it around all day if i wasn't going to be there. this is open to two interpretations. either: 1. he was just using that as an excuse to find out if i was going to the meeting, or 2. carrying around a 2 oz CD is a real pain for someone you don't like. hmmmm. but the really ironic thing was, before he called i was super depressed. so i thought what the hell, i'll have a glass of wine. after i drank that, i thought, well why not have another. you get the idea. two bottles later i was totally buzzing. this at 7pm on a sunday night mind you. THEN he calls. i was so nervous that i was going to slur or say something stupid or trip over my tongue. i try to think back as to what i said but i have no idea. it's one of those deals like when you drive home but once you get there you can't remember the drive at all. i hope he couldn't tell that i had been drinking.

i am so strict about my calories that come from food. i have no problem drinking two bottles of wine in one sitting regardless of the calories, apparently. of course i will have to spend an extra two hours at the gym to try and work some of it off though.

so i feel pretty shitty physically though. a slight hangover combined with the fact that i am definitely coming down with the flu. i feel so achy all over - i gotta stop at the store on the way home and get some medicine or something cause hell i feel like shit.

starving + bleeding